Relationship Woes

8 Jul

image-phila-loveWell, I have a friend who had been in a relationship with a girl for few years now and apparently, they had a rocky relationship from the beginning. They tried to give a shot at it for far too many times and this was my friend’s diagnosis of it. From day one, the girl had never been supportive of the guy’s spirituality and social work and was in fact critical of it. The girl makes a decent living by inheriting the family business and although she’s a girl, the father trusts her and is slowly passing her the business to run.

However, she has no plans to expand the business or hire anyone capable. Basically, she has no goals and has been a damper on the guy’s wish to get ahead in life. She loves shopping and spends most of what she has on designer bags, clothes, makeup, hair  and jewelry. Although, she doesn’t ask her boyfriend to buy these things but the pressure to spend is always there. They recently had an argument about going on an expensive holiday to Europe, which the guy can’t afford. The poor guy is thinking that she’s way over her league and is contemplating quitting the relationship.

I have not said anything to him yet and I told him to seriously think about it. I am thinking that it would be difficult for the guy to pull this through and one of the main reasons is the fact that she does not respect his beliefs at all. He’s not a religious fanatic or anything like that but is quite sincere as a Buddhist practitioner. She on the other hand, not only taunts him but is in my opinion is deliberately becoming more extravagant and hedonistic to counter his spirituality. I am not sure what is that all about but it probably just her insecurity flaring up because she thinks that would make him pay more attention to her and her needs. Well, I am not sure if she would admit to that as she is highly defensive.

The guy is a pretty decent guy and the sort that most girls would wanna bring home to show mama. Poor girl. She’s going to lose out on a great guy. Personally, I don’t really want to get involve in this but I am in the opinion that the relationship is doomed to fail unless the girl makes a radical shift. She broke the cardinal rule of respecting your partner’s beliefs. That is a major no-no for a healthy relationship to survive. (This was part of a series of relationship rules that Tsem Rinpoche himself had spoken about during a teaching on successful relationships. I have written a book of a conversation between different characters to illustrate each major rule. It is called Conversations in Love and its available here :- )


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