Curbing Sexual Desire

28 Jul

john-cho.nocrop.w529.h314This is somewhat a controversial topic in itself but I think it does warrant to be mentioned. There are a lot of horny people out there. Being horny is not bad in itself (some may even consider it healthy) but when it has reached high levels of sexual addiction, it can be damaging. Addiction usually means we loose sight of priorities, responsibilities, relationships and especially the intimate relationships we already have with out partners or spouses in pursuit of sexual desire. This not to mention the exposing oneself to venereal diseases, some of which cannot be cured.

I am not claiming to be an expert on psychology or sexual behaviour but I do have a few advice based on the Buddha’s teachings. Libido and sexual behaviour has a big co-relation with our self-esteem and how we view ourselves. Hence, it is not unusual that those with low self-esteem are often the ones that have multiple partners, often seeking subconsciously – a short-lived relief from one’s low self-esteem.

This somewhat of delirious feeling that someone else is willing to get physically intimate with you. That is if you are physically attractive enough to get a partner. There are those that are not attractive either physically or as a person, they descend into different levels of self-pity and self-loathing, at times lashing at people unnecessarily due to pent up frustration.

I digress here, there are many variables and this in itself should warrant another blog post. Anyway, back to the topic of curbing sexual appetite. There are a number of methods in Buddhism to curb sexual desire besides the usual taking celibacy vows for a given period of time. That would require self-discipline that we may not have at this time. If we truly want to curb our intense sexual desire, it would require imagination and contemplation.

This is done by imagining that favourite movie star, that hot chick or that hunk that we wish to bed. Then we imagine them dead and his or her body rotting away, the skin turning green, putrid gasses emitting from the body along with maggots and various insects gnawing away at the flesh. The more graphic the details in the visualization, the sooner we get a hold on our sexual desire. The very fact that we cringe or we find it difficult to visualize reveals how strong our attachment is and how urgent it is to do this visualization.

boudha thangka (30 of 52)Aside from controlling our sexual desire, which is a side benefit, what we do gain is lessening of attachment to our body and furthermore, we begin to experience renunciation. Don’t expect this to happen the first few times you engage in this visualization. You may have to do this visualization on a consistent basis over a period of time. We can do this visualization when we recite mantras or when we do our sadhana. There are no drawbacks to this visualization except from the standpoint of the lessening of our attachment. Your visualization would not hurt anyone and it would not make you morbid or sick.

If you are wondering what is the source of this visualization. It stems from Lord Buddha, who taught this visualization/meditation to help his disciples develop realization on the nature of impermanence of our body. But we can also use it to lessen our sexual desire.


2 Responses to “Curbing Sexual Desire”

  1. Sharon Ong July 28, 2016 at 2:06 pm #

    I congratulate Pastor on tackling a rather controversial issue – sex. The sexual act in itself is not a bad thing. However, it would be detrimental if it the act becomes an unhealthy attachment that will cause harm to oneself and the people around. An interesting point to note as well is when this seemingly physical desirous act can result in the conception of a great being and continue a sacred lineage as seen, for example, the Panglung Kuten, whose oracular legacy is passed down from father to son. I guess it all boils down to the purpose/motivation of engaging in this act ie procreation, recreation, obsession or continuation a holy legacy.

  2. Lew July 29, 2016 at 12:53 am #

    Thank you Pastor David for sharing this rather interesting way of curbing our sexual desire. We are now living in a society where we are exposed to a lot of material which arose our sexual desire. Comparing now with the time when I was a kid, the material we were exposed at that time is nothing near to what the kids are being exposed now. Therefore, we as parents need to watch the desire of our kids too.

    I think this method of impermanence is also effective when we are very attached to other things in life, for example our house, car, career, business, relationship, etc. When we come to think of it. All the above mentioned things are never permanent. Eventually, we will need to let go of them. Either they vanish, or at the time of our death, we still need to let go.

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