This is somewhat a controversial topic in itself but I think it does warrant to be mentioned. There are a lot of horny people out there. Being horny is not bad in itself (some may even consider it healthy) but when it has reached high levels of sexual addiction, it can be damaging. Addiction usually means we loose sight of priorities, responsibilities, relationships and especially the intimate relationships we already have with out partners or spouses in pursuit of sexual desire. This not to mention the exposing oneself to venereal diseases, some of which cannot be cured.
I am not claiming to be an expert on psychology or sexual behaviour but I do have a few advice based on the Buddha’s teachings. Libido and sexual behaviour has a big co-relation with our self-esteem and how we view ourselves. Hence, it is not unusual that those with low self-esteem are often the ones that have multiple partners, often seeking subconsciously – a short-lived relief from one’s low self-esteem.
This somewhat of delirious feeling that someone else is willing to get physically intimate with you. That is if you are physically attractive enough to get a partner. There are those that are not attractive either physically or as a person, they descend into different levels of self-pity and self-loathing, at times lashing at people unnecessarily due to pent up frustration.
I digress here, there are many variables and this in itself should warrant another blog post. Anyway, back to the topic of curbing sexual appetite. There are a number of methods in Buddhism to curb sexual desire besides the usual taking celibacy vows for a given period of time. That would require self-discipline that we may not have at this time. If we truly want to curb our intense sexual desire, it would require imagination and contemplation.
This is done by imagining that favourite movie star, that hot chick or that hunk that we wish to bed. Then we imagine them dead and his or her body rotting away, the skin turning green, putrid gasses emitting from the body along with maggots and various insects gnawing away at the flesh. The more graphic the details in the visualization, the sooner we get a hold on our sexual desire. The very fact that we cringe or we find it difficult to visualize reveals how strong our attachment is and how urgent it is to do this visualization.
Aside from controlling our sexual desire, which is a side benefit, what we do gain is lessening of attachment to our body and furthermore, we begin to experience renunciation. Don’t expect this to happen the first few times you engage in this visualization. You may have to do this visualization on a consistent basis over a period of time. We can do this visualization when we recite mantras or when we do our sadhana. There are no drawbacks to this visualization except from the standpoint of the lessening of our attachment. Your visualization would not hurt anyone and it would not make you morbid or sick.
If you are wondering what is the source of this visualization. It stems from Lord Buddha, who taught this visualization/meditation to help his disciples develop realization on the nature of impermanence of our body. But we can also use it to lessen our sexual desire.